Satan, Avram and the Pew Study
The day that God spoke to Avram and Sarai and told them: to go forth from their land, from their father’s house to the land that I will show you,
The day that Avram and Sarai were told that God would make a great nation of them and curse those who curse them and bless those that bless them
Avram and Sarai did what any Jewish couple would do at such a breathtaking, historical moment... they went home and packed, packed, and packed some more. They had a lot to do if they were to be ready by morning.
Meanwhile, in Heaven the angels were thrilled. Finally, Jewish history was to begin in earnest and humanity would be offered a new path on which to walk side with God. A special people were in the process of being born and with it the ultimate promise of the world’s redemption. The ministering angels had not celebrated like this since God declared the very first Shabbat.
Truth be told, not everyone was so happy. There was one angel who was sulking amidst all the angelic joy. His name was Satan. You see, he had not been in favor of human beings being created from the very start. "They’ll ruin everything, you’ll see," Satan would often say. He delighted in proving his point. It was Satan who convinced the serpent into having a talk with Eve. Oy, was he happy when the first couple was sent out of the Garden. Satan took pride in the fact that he had personally counseled Cain as to how to deal with his brother Abel. However, Satan’s happiest day by far was when God destroyed the world with a flood. Such Nachas!
But now, God had chosen Avram, the child prodigy, the one who believed long before he heard the Divine voice calling to him. In Avram God saw more than one who listened to His voice, God saw something that was missing in both Adam and Noah: a true partner. Satan was not happy at all that a new age was beginning, not at all happy that the history of humankind was going to take a positive turn, that a people would grow from Avram and Sarai whose destiny was to be an or l’goyim, a light to the nations.
But what could be done now?
Satan looked forward in history and contemplated telling Avram the terrible things that were going to happen to his descendants in the future. Perhaps if the old man saw how difficult things were going to be for the generations to come that he would choose to sleep in and forget this whole Lekh L'kha, this Go Forth enterprise. But then Satan imagined that Avram would also see how in the face of every catastrophe the people of Israel recreated itself and had the faith and courage to walk forward. Even after something as unimaginable as the Holocaust, his descendants went back to the very country that Avram had been promised and fought to build a remarkable Jewish State.
Just as he was about to give up a thought came to him, well, like a lightening bolt!
Satan thought of a plan that was so diabolical that he smiled from ear to ear. This will stop these senior citizens in their tracks guaranteed, Satan thought as he rubbed his hands together. That same night Satan came down from heaven dressed as a wanderer, and under his arm was the Pew Research Study of the American Jewish Community, published October 13th, 2013. For Satan believed that once Avram and Sarai understood what their descendants in America were going to do to themselves, the self inflicted damage they would do because of the choices that they were going to make for them and their children; [that] for sure Avram and Sarai would stop it before it started.
Satan came to Avram and Sarai’s tent dressed as a poor man. He was immediately welcomed in and fed. Avram apologized saying, We have a big day tomorrow and went back to packing." The stranger said to Avram, "I hear that God promised to make your descendants into a great and mighty people."
"Yup," Avraham said he continued packing.
"Well," Satan continued, "i thought that you would want to know that in about 3,700 years, in a place called America, a country more wealthy then you can imagine, 6.8 million of your descendants are going to live."
Avram, smiled and with a tear falling from his eye said, "So God did make them as numerous as the stars in the heavens."
"Yes, Yes," Satan said impatiently, "But you should also know that they are choosing not to live in the land of Israel where the majority of your descendants live."
Avram’s face changed, "Let me get this straight, Sarai and I are leaving everything that we ever knew to go forth and my descendants are going to choose to live not in the land of Israel?" His voice sounded concerned.
"That’s right," said Satan.
"Well," Avram said, "The people of the land will not accept them or their ways and will undoubtedly mistreat them."
"Not exactly," said Satan. "In fact, it turns out these Americans really like them. No your descendants are succeeding everywhere in this America."
"I see," said Avram; "Well, as long as they don’t marry the people of this land then they will be okay."
Satan replies, "Well if you look inside this study you will see that Intermarriage is at 58%...
And in the homes where there is only one Jewish parent only 20% are raising their child as a Jew…"
"Get out of Haran!?" said Avram.
"No, I am telling you," Satan said. "And nearly one in four say that they have no religion."
Now Avram began turning white. "Are you saying that they are rejecting the God that told me and Sarah to go forth, the God whose promises are being fulfilled all around them?"
"Yup," said Satan, feeling that his plan was working.
"By the way Avram: Only half of the Jews in America can read Hebrew and only around 10% know what they are reading…"
Avram sat down for a minute and began stroking his beard. "Well to tell you the truth, I can’t read Hebrew either."
Satan grew angry, "That’s because Hebrew has not been invented yet! But in this time all of the religious books, prayer books, and the holiest books are written in Hebrew. What is more, Israelis speak Hebrew. Don’t you see how bad things have gotten? Perhaps you want to rethink this whole leaving thing. Let’s just you and I nip this thing in the bud…."
Avram thought for a few minutes and said, "Not so fast; tell me, do these people believe in leading ethical lives?"
Satan replies, "Yes, well over 50% made that a priority of their Judaism.
Avram then asks, "What about feeding the hungry, what about working to make the world better, do my descendants feel compelled to make the world better, do they share their bread with the hungry, do they give Tzedaka?"
"Yes!" Satan was forced to say; "In fact they give Tzedaka in far greater numbers than other people in America."
"OKAY," one last question; "Do my descendants in this place called America take pride in being Jewish, in their heritage and people-hood?"
Satan looked in the study and then breathed a deep sigh and said nothing.
"Well? What does it say," said Avram.
"94% say that they are proud to be Jewish!"
"75% say that they have a strong sense of belonging to the Jewish people."
"70% say they feel either strongly attached somewhat attached to Israel"
"So let me get this straight," Avram said, "My descendants have had a long and difficult history, they have suffered and continued to be Jews. They have done great things for the world as Jews. They have spawned other religions that believe in the oneness of God."
"Well, that’s true," said Satan, "But don’t forget that some have also chosen to leave. Don’t you see the direction this is going in? This year 22% identify as not having Judaism as a religion, some have left Jewish places of worship and are creating independent places to pray to God... What will happen next year or the year after?"
Avram then began to laugh, "Now I understand... Every generation that will follow Sarai and me will have a Lekh L'kha. A moment when they need to separate from what they once knew, they once believed, they once depended on and go forth into uncharted land. And follow the call Lekh L'kha. Each generation will find different ways to challenge their relationship with God, just as I did, only eventually to find God walking right next to them. That is what I think is happening in this strange place you call America. Just as I am going out in the morning not knowing what my future is going to look like, so are they. Just as I have faith in the future, I have faith in theirs.
If the old structures don’t work, I believe that they will build new ones."
At this point, Avram put his arm around Satan and said, "I know that it is going to be difficult. It is going to take bold and creative leadership. I also know that we will lose some Jews along the way. Change is painful, but they can only go forward, backwards is not an option. Avram looked into Satan’s eyes and said, you know, if my children made it for nearly 4,000 years despite everything, I am not giving up on them just yet, and I don’t think you should either."
"That’s it," Satan said. "Enough!"
At that moment Satan knew that he had more than met his match. And off he flew back to heaven. He got there just in time to see the sun rise and look down to see an old man and an an old woman take their servants and livestock and begin a journey, to the unheard cheers of the heavenly angels.
Surveying the scene he said something that would serve as prophesy for the Jewish people.
"Maaseh Avot, Siman L’vanim: The actions of the Patriarchs and Matrirachs will be signs for their descendants. Your children’s children will follow their example."
Just then, Satan heard the voice of God crying out: "Eheyh bracha, be a blessing, be a blessing."
To this Satan muttered to himself, "Yes they will, and despite my best efforts it looks like their descendants will be a blessing as well."
And so we will. And so we will!
